When it hurts to think

As I continued to regain my health and add more back into my life I find some things are harder than they once seemed.  I am a learner, new knowledge always fascinated me and giving up going to school in order to take care of my body was one of the most difficult parts of my life to let go of.

School was all I knew, being a student what else do you know when you get sick at 13?

When I was fist getting ill I went to school, pressing through because it was important to me.  I am driven. If I really pushed myself I could continue to go to school though at a high cost.  My health deteriorated more and more, homework took longer and longer to complete and my parents assistance became a constant. I had worked myself through fatigue, pains, and non-existent short-term memory. It was only at my doctor’s urging that I stopped schooling in hopes of stopping my health’s decline.  Otherwise, had my doctor not released me, I surely would have continued down this road of only making myself more sick.  I continued to learn on my own while sick but, in the back of my mind, getting back to school was my goal.

Years later with the help of various treatments and stem cells I am once again able to try going back to school.  Unlike the few times (once each year virtually) I thought I was well enough to try again, this time I truly am.  I am starting with one art class.  So far playing with metal and fire is going just dandy.  Along with this class, I am also studying and taking assessments, this is where the pain in my head starts.  A friend earning her teaching credential needed someone to do learning assessments on.  I am her case study.  It is great practice for the upcoming tests I will be taking and I can see the areas I may need to work on more after being sick for such an extended period of time.  These assessments are long and cover all the basics in math, English, reading, science, etc.  However I have not been able to access what I learned prior to being sick in years.

IT HURTS TO THINK. Literally. I get a headache after each session that lasts for hours. All of the pathways that weren’t used for so long now burn with use. We split up the tests into1 hour chunks instead of the 2+ hours all at once. I feel my brain sting after.

You know when people say don’t think too hard, you’ll hurt your head, well mine hurts and I’m not thinking that hard.  Oh does it hurt, and yet it’s worth it.  Lyme shook up my brain, strewing its contents about and locking it away.  Now I have the rusty keys and I have the ability to unlock what has been in my head for years.  My writing is back, reading too, spelling is coming, and math is hard work.  Math makes my head hurt the most.  Algebra, find x and y hmmm… I know this stuff.  I recognize what to do but just can’t quite remember.  Everything I do takes longer than it used to but I can do it with a little practice.